Sprinkles of People

So here’s a discovery I’ve made over the last few months abroad I recently shared with a friend. Two things about me: I’ve always been a person who likes closure; goodbyes or well wishes or plans to see someone again have always been important to me (it is true that when you know the next time you are going to see a person, it makes the goodbye much easier to say). Second: I’m a relational person so staying in touch and growing friendships has always been important to me. The last time I made a friend and just didn’t talk to them again was probably my early early years of summer camp before technology. In those days, I would make a friend, we’d spend time together, and go our separate ways at the end of the week. But even then, oftentimes we would exchange addresses or become penpals or give our moms phone numbers to set up future play dates that may or may not happen. (I still have a beautiful pouch made for me by a penpal friend I met on a family vacation in Mexico once.) My point is that staying in touch and getting to know someone on a deeper level, or at least keeping up with what is going on in their life is important.

On this journey abroad, I have found it extremely difficult to make lasting relationships and closure has been difficult to seek, given everyone’s schedules and life factors. There have been many obstacles to making solid, healthy new friendships this season and just when I started to find them, it was too late and life was moving forward. When saying goodbye to people in London, it was hard to know where to even begin and there are several people I never even really said goodbye to, or got to know on that deeper level I have aspired to know so badly. When looking back, God put sprinkles of people’s lives in front of me but I don’t think I ever spent more than four solid days with the same person. I didn’t have that one instant connection or automatic best friend I could go to (and that made many challenges so much harder).

I’ve met so many unique people from all over the world, heard so many crazy beginnings to stories, but there are so many questions and unknowns and curiosities about the people I’ve encountered that I’ll just have to accept I may never know the answer to. The blessing in this is it has allowed me to have more quiet time with the Lord and alone time with myself. Factors that have hindered me from having companions on day trips, exploring London, or seeing a show have led me to spend time with myself, whether I like it or not, and spend time soaking in God’s beauty, solo. And while I’m not one for alone time, and have several insecurities about the whole thing honestly, some days I appreciated it and I’m learning to understand it more. I don’t like being by myself for over a certain amount of hours or I’ll go stir-crazy. However, in order to truly embrace this experience abroad and everything surrounding me in the great city of London, I felt compelled to go out and do things on my own because I couldn’t just sit and wait around for someone to be available to join me. However, for the ones I did spend time with, I wish to know so much more about them and have more hours to speak with them. I was present as I spent time with different people and remember loads of it but I still long for that closure, for that “friendship stamp of approval” or something to prove our time together was real and true and valid or even something I could call “friendship”. But many I may not see again or factors will hinder us from meeting again, such as they did when we lived in the same city. So for now, I’ll form my own goodbye rituals (similar to those in one of my modules) and grab hold of the beauty and benefit of my time spent alone and with God. I’ll hold onto the small moments I was given with strangers and those I’ll never know if I can ever completely truly call “friend”.